How to potty train your BABY: What is Elimination Communication?

Photo Credit: Popsugar.com

If you were excited to see the words potty training and baby in the same sentence then you have come to the right place!  I want to share with you my experience with Elimination Communication (EC) or Early potty training. 

I first learned about EC while I was pregnant with my daughter Madelyn.  I was researching tips for my 1 ½ year old so he would be out of diapers by the time his little sister was born.  At this time his older brother was still not fully potty trained at 3 ½ and I was sick of smelly and expensive diapers! 

So what is Elimination Communication?

"Elimination communication (EC) is a practice in which a caregiver uses timing, signals, cues, and intuition to address an infant's need to eliminate waste. Caregivers try to recognize and respond to babies' bodily needs and enable them to urinate and defecate in an appropriate place (e.g. a toilet). Caregivers may use diapers (nappies) as a back-up in case of "misses" some or all of the time, or not at all. EC emphasizes communication between the caregiver and child, helping them both become more attuned to the child's innate rhythms and control of urination and defecation. The term "elimination communication" was inspired by traditional practices of diaper-less baby care in less industrialized countries and hunter-gatherer cultures. Some practitioners of EC begin soon after birth, the optimum window being zero to four months in terms of helping the baby get in tune with their elimination needs, although it can be started with babies of any age. The practice can be done full time, part time, or just occasionally." ~ Wikepedia

Elimination communication sounds complicated right?  I'm going to surprise you here by telling you that it is Absolutely not!  Imagine you could avoid, or at least reduce the need and use of diapers, imagine being in-tune with your baby and creating a communication with this tiny person so that their need for elimination is heard and heeded.  Imagine a toddler who has learned to hold his bladder and is willing to use the potty without the struggle of un-diaper training.
I have promised that this is not complicated but I will warn you, it is not an overnight process. 
But lets face it, neither is potty training an older child!

Before Madelyn was born I bought a movie on Amazon called Potty Whispering: The Gentle Art of Infant Potty Training.  It is a documentary about the use and benefits of infant potty training.  In this movie I got to see what EC would be like in real life, not just on paper.  I learned techniques for making the process easier and more successful.  I also learned that their are wonderful benefits, not just to mother and child but also to the environment. 

According to Ingrid Bauer, author of Diaper Free- Gentle Natural Hygiene by Ingrid Bauer "It’s possible—even practical—to raise your kids without diapers."  Based on research, case studies, and her own experience she shows how you can:

• Save thousands of dollars
• Reduce landfill waste (single-use disposable diapers are responsible for one third of the non- biodegradable waste in landfills)
• Avoid diaper rash
• Use the “Four Tools for Diaper Freedom” to enhance your relationship with your baby and deepen communication. 



If you are sitting there thinking that this could not possibly work, I want you to think about mothers in other countries who do not have access to disposable diapers. 

In China they still use little crotchless pants that allow babies to squat pretty much anywhere when they are potty training and children who learn this way are potty trained at a much younger age than those who use diapers.  In fact, according to Pediatrics Magazine Half of the babies around the world are potty trained by 12 months old" 



For the first 6 months I used a combination of cloth diapers and EC with Madelyn. During the day I left her without a diaper and used little leg warmers to keep her covered and comfy, at night and when I went out of the house I used cloth diapers. By watching her little body signals and listening to the noises she would make, I learned what her own bodily rhythm was.  When she was really tiny, she always needed to eliminate while she was nursing so I would just hold the little potty bowl under her bum and make a "psssst pssst pssst" sound, this is the technique of cueing which consists of making a particular sound when the baby is eliminating.   This helped her associate the noise with the action and when she got older I could make the sound and she would know it was time to go potty. When she got a little older I stopped using the cloth diapers and transitioned her to tiny underwear.   At around 6 months Madelyn was able to sleep without wetting herself for almost the entire night and she was completely potty trained by two years old.  The process of early potty training Madelyn was no more challenging than it was with my older boys.  She suffered less diaper rashes and we never had the bed wetting that her brothers went through.  I am a true believer that with a little patience and dedication EC can be fit into any lifestyle.

As with regular potty training it is important to remember that there is no rush for baby to get it, they will learn and develop at their own pace.  EC is not about unrealistic goals, it is about working with your baby to help them be aware of their body and develop healthy bathroom habits. Their success will rely on your ability to read their cues, so remember to stay relaxed, be patient, and have fun!

If you would like to learn more about Elimination Communication or Early potty training you can check out these resources:

• http://diaperfreebaby.org/
• http://ecsimplified.com/
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elimination_communication

The Anxious Mom

If I could describe myself in one word it would be determined. When I found out I was pregnant with my son Eli, I knew that after the shock of an unplanned pregnancy settled I was going to set my focus on becoming the best possible mother I could be.

I was in my third year of art school & the semester had just begun. Being a 23 year old student turned pregnant mom was a huge adjustment for me. The world of being a mother was something foreign to me at the time of Eli's conception.
So I began my intensive rerouting of the laissez faire college student attitude into an informed & prepared soon to be parent.

Spending 9 months hosting another human being in my womb was joyous for the most part. I did not want to let my anxiety disorder get in the way of me having an enjoyable pregnancy so I kept myself busy. I  became busy reading about pregnancy, googling everything pregnancy/baby related and occasionally binge watching Grey's Anatomy (it was the hormones I swear!). One way I knew how to deal with stress and anxiety is by having a sense of control over the situation. The more I became informed, the better I felt.

Breast feeding was a huge deal for me. It was one of the most looked forward to things after having my baby. I was determined to make it work. I learned a lot about the importance of breast milk, and how much the baby benefits from it. I visualized having a refrigerator stocked full of my supply. I obsessed over making sure I had my pump ready to go in the hospital bag. I tested it out, got excited that I was already making colostrum. I was going to be the best breastfeeding mama ever I told myself.

Eli's first taste of milk.

When Eli was born I demanded an uninterrupted first hour skin to skin contact. He initiated the breast crawl and was latched on in no time. "IT IS WORKING!" I remember thinking as he began to nurse for the very first time. I cried, so happy to know that my body was able to provide such wonderful sustenance to my baby.

He kept up with the nursing schedule the entire stay. The lactation consultant was impressed with how well things were going. I was so proud.

Several months went by and Eli was still doing well, and gaining weight. I knew that he was eating enough but still my breasts wouldn't respond to my breast pump. I would sit down, nearly engorged with milk, and ready to pump but nothing would come out. I could hand express (which took forever) and get more milk than when I used my pump.
Slowly my anxiety started to fixate on this problem. I could have reached out to someone. I could have asked for help or advice. Instead I started to self doubt. The doubt became even louder when family members would express doubt based on my pump supply.
It was a snow ball effect. The more anxious I got the less milk I made and more doubt was expressed. I fought it off at first, reminding myself and my family that Eli was satisfied!

"But what about emergencies? What if you are not here? Shouldn't you have him on formula?"

I became worn down after months of not being able to keep a steady pump supply on hand. I had a constant fear that my baby would starve if I wasn't within arms reach. My anxiety was on full blast and I was a mess. Postpartum depression came on subtly, attaching itself to me unannounced when I felt most vulnerable. I caved and started to transition Eli to organic formula. I had traded my dreams of extended breastfeeding for a powder & shake routine. I felt an irrational amount of guilt for this switch. I know that some might think it is not a big deal, but to me it was. Breastfeeding was a cherished part of my motherhood and I had let it slip between the cracks. 

I learned that postpartum depression doesn't have to be obvious for it to exist. I began to have panic attacks about Eli getting sick. I obsessed over cleaning his bottles over & over & over. I became neurotic about germs. I started to hate my post pregnancy body, turning myself into the enemy. I slowly started to feel like things where out of control and PPD was turning motherhood miserable. 

Fortunately I was able to gain awareness of my problems before they got to out of hand. I am still struggling with different aspects of PPD/anxiety but each day I am gaining a little more acceptance of the way things are. 

Celebrating bonding with a bottle.

I am learning how to let go little by little. I am starting to feel okay about not having to wipe down the shopping cart 3 times before setting my son in it. I am starting to look in the mirror and think positive instead of negative.I have started to reach out to other moms for support. I am staying active to keep my spirits high, lifting myself up piece by piece. 

When I am rocking Eli to sleep and his little hands are gripping the bottle tight my heart melts. These moments are just a sweet as when he was nursing. My formula baby is strong and healthy and I have nothing to feel guilty about.

A lot of mothers are struggling day to day with postpartum depression or anxiety. They need to be lifted up. The unspoken/ unrealistic expectations that mothers hold themselves to can become crippling. PPD is real, and it effects millions of women in a variety of ways. 

What Helped Me

The first step to my healing was acceptance. Coming to terms with all of my issues and feelings took time. Acknowledgement is what helped me start to gain perspective. When I started to have negative thoughts I became aware of them. I am learning how to sort them from my true feelings, and let them go. 

I started to go for daily walks. I am a stay at home mom and being in the house all day can create a sense of restlessness which can start to make me feel anxious. I take long afternoon walks where I spend my time honoring the present moment. It is a mediation in mindfulness.

Reaching out to other moms, asking for help and advice and finding a community where I did not feel judged was very beneficial for me.

I  started to eat better. (This is one I am still working on). My PPD had gotten to the point where I skipped lots of meals. I still feel guilt for eating meals that I would have skipped otherwise, even if I am hungry & need to eat! I try to eat a balanced clean diet which makes me feel good from the inside out. 

I take time for myself. Some days it's just a long bubble bath. A moment of peace is enough to center me and keep me going.

Lastly I let go.... I try to let go... of every unnecessary worry that keeps me bound up in anxiety. Somethings are going to be out of my control! If I find myself on the verge of an anxiety attack I remind myself of how trivial my situation is by looking at the grand scheme of things.

Sometimes I even make myself laugh. 

My son is only 10 months old, we have a long road to hoe!!!

-Hope

Skin-to-Skin: 10 Benefits of Kangaroo Care

Photo credit to James Theophane
https://m.flickr.com/photos/_theo_/ 

There is an increasing awareness in the birth community of the sacredness of a mothers first contact with her newborn.  Long gone are the days when infants were lifted by one leg and soundly smacked on their tender bottom.  Women are owning the rite to catch their baby the minute they are birthed into this world and taking back that special time. 

"Mothers, reach down and let your hands be first thing they feel. Take them from the cold air into your warm breast and surround them with your smell and rhythm."  S.Wolf

Skin-to-skin care is nothing more than delaying the swaddling or clothing of baby immediately after birth and placing them to your chest, covered in a warm blanket, then enjoying the amazing bonding time you worked so hard for.

10 Benefits of Skin-to-skin or Kangaroo care:

• Calms and sooths
• Reduces crying
• Improves quality of sleep
• Accelerated brain development
• Regulates body temperature 
• Enhances immune system
• Reduces risks of postpartum
• Promotes psychological wellbeing in mom
• Speeds recovery 
• Improves Breastfeeding duration and success, increase milk supply

Are you planning to BREASTFEED?  Amazing research proves that skin-to-skin contact can actually increase the time a baby nurses!

In one study on UNICEF's website The Baby Friendly Initiative, a group of 1250 Polish children were followed for 3 years from birth in order to study the influence on breastfeeding of skin-to-skin contact after birth.  "The authors conclude that mother-infant skin-to-skin contact lasting for LONGER than 20 minutes after birth increases the duration of exclusive breastfeeding."  The infants that were kept with their mothers for at least 20 minutes were exclusively breastfed for 1.35 months longer and weaned 2.10 months later than those who had no skin-to-skin contact after delivery. 

"Fathers will be empowered to care for their baby and not feel helpless or useless, becoming central to the caring team" 

- Kangaroo Mother Care

Fathers should be included in this wonderful bonding time.  When mom is unavailable or ready for some self care time, this is the perfect opportunity for dad to step in.  In pre-term birth or birth to twins or triplets fathers care is absolutely invaluable to mom and this time together can help strengthen the connection.

Benefits of skin-to-skin contact for Dad:

• Better bonding
• Emotional healing
• Calmness
• Able to read baby’s unique cues for hunger or stress
• Improved sleeping

Kangaroo care can extend past the first few hours after birth and is actually encouraged.  There are may ways to take advantage of this, including slings and wraps that will keep baby close and mothers hands free.

For more information on Kangaroo care and the benefits of Skin-to-skin contact please check out these resources:

http://www.unicef.org.uk/BabyFriendly/News-and-Research/Research/Skin-to-skin-contact/

http://www.kangaroomothercare.com/fathers-skin-to-skin.aspx

http://www.kangaroomothercare.com/

http://www.unicef.org.uk/BabyFriendly/News-and-Research/Research/Skin-to-skin-contact/Skin-to-skin-contact-at-birth-increases-the-duration-of-exclusive-breastfeeding/

Can I afford a Doula ?

Guess what?  You can!  
Every woman should have a doula and it does not have to be a big deal to find the money to pay for one. It is worth investing in a doula that will help you in your birth journey!

Photo © Photographer's Choice/Getty Images

A doula will charge anywhere between $400-$1,200, depending on experience, services offered, as well as your geographical area. It may seem like a lot, but  a doula's fee covers many things.  For example, she will be on call 24/7 for at least 5 weeks toward the end of your pregnancy and will be available at a moment's notice. She will also have personal expenses that need to be covered, like child care and travel.  We don’t do this for the money. We do it because we love what we do: Empowering women to create and achieve a beautiful birth experience.


How am I gonna pay for this when I have all these other baby related items that need purchasing?  
Don't stress, if you truly want to have a wonderful, fulfilling & empowering birth, no matter your circumstances, you can make it happen. Most doulas offer some sort of payment plans and are willing to work with you to meet your needs. Sit down and figure out what works best for you.

                                          

                                                                                                                

Here are a few easy ways to save for your Doula:

• Save 10 dollars a week for 40 week (BOOM that was pretty easy!)
• Throw a pregnancy related party: gender reveal, a sprinkle, or a shower of some sort. Let it be known you will be collecting funds to help pay for birth support services. You can do this in the form of a raffle at one of these events to drum up more funds or just pass the hat.
• Ask your close family members and friends if they can donate to the cause. My in-laws lived two states away but they were willing to help pay a good chunk of the cost.
• Sell those unwanted items that you need to get rid of before baby comes on your favorite sale site or hold a garage sale. 
• Try cutting unnecessary things out of your budget that costs between $3 to $5, eating out, going to the movies, getting a coffee in the morning, or trying to lower the cost of bills like your phone or cable bill. 
• If you receive a tax return set some money aside from it.

A doula’s support is something every woman deserves to have during her birth and postpartum time.  What creative ways did you use to pay for your doula?  Let us know in the comments!

First weeks home: Lessons learned

  

Sleeping and nursing seemed to be what my life consisted of after I had my babies.  I was aware of the clock only because every two hours it was time to feed them again.  I was in a dream like state of exhaustion and awe.  Everything was new; new routine, new body, new person in my life. 

I remember looking in the mirror after Jacob was born and realizing that my body was changed forever.  I went from looking like a young lady to looking like a woman with wide hips and cleavage.  My nipples even looked different! 

During the first week I struggled with breast feeding.  I could not figure out how to relieve my engourged breasts, and every time he would latch on it felt like sharp needles were coming out instead of milk.  I remember laying in my bed with my toes curled and my teeth clenched saying over and over in my head , "You can do this, You can do this, You can do this".   I tried warm showers and massage which seemed to help, and eventually it all subsided.  We continued to learn together how the whole thing was suppose to work.

Lesson learned: Relax

I bought a bassinet before he was born and planned to use it full time.  That was until I brought my sweet tiny baby home and realized it was much easier to roll over and nurse half asleep than to wake up, turn on the light, climb out of bed, try and stay awake until he was done and then get him back to sleep...

Lesson learned: Co-sleeping is GREAT

Then came the day when I decided I was ready to have intercourse again...

Surprise!  Oxytocin stimulates the milk let-down reflex and is also the hormone produced during orgasm!  It was hilarious and embarrassing at the same time.  These are the times when I am thankful I have such an understanding husband who didn't mind a little harmless milk getting on him. (Okay it was a lot...)

Lesson learned: Wear a t-shirt

I sit here now reflecting on a time that feels like a yesterday.  My son is now 11 and we are still learning together how this whole thing works.  He may not remember the sleepless nights or nipple torture I went through for him,  but I am sure he appreciates it. 

Lesson learned: You can make it through any challenge with a sense of humor and a willingness to be patient with yourself.