Trauma by perspective

Jordan’s birth story

I was 19 and finding myself.  20 years later, that is still evolving.  Instinctively, I knew I wanted a natural birth and to breastfeed.  It just felt right.  My belief in God’s design coupled with a fear of epidurals and interventions overshadowed by a strong desire to prove myself were the forces driving my plans and goals.  I have always been complicated.

I chose a practice that coupled midwifery care with obstetrics, took the hospital childbirth series and read What to Expect as I balanced bowls of soup on my growing bump.  My little precocious love was also very perceptive.  EDD Nov 8.  The very same day that my mother had been told to expect me 20 years before.  Like clockwork, Nov 6 brought a ripening cervix and the loss of my plug.  24 hours later came the loose bowels the book and class had told me were coming.  My little baby was on its way following the textbook timeline like clockwork.  The early morning hours of Nov 8 held sporadic light cramping. I slept.  At precisely 9:18 (the minute of my birth) came the first real contraction.  7 minutes later, came another.  This continued for 7 hours. Ctx were 5-7 minutes apart. They grew a little in intensity, but not much.  By 4:00, I chose to pause during contractions.  4:00-6:00 was spent sitting on my couch, anxiously waiting for my birth team to be ready to go.  At 6:00, we made the 10 minute drive to the hospital and were checked in by 6:10.  In my room, I was greeted by the friendly face of Traci- the nurse who had taught the childbirth class series.  My other team members were a nervous partner who was existing outside of my labor bubble and my mother who was streaming tears and not able to be the strength and inspiration I needed in those moments. Traci’s presence was a big sigh of relief.  She quickly let me know that the midwife on call had been at the hospital longer than 12 hours and was in a terrible mood.  It was my option to choose midwifery care (my plan) or go with the on call OB (what Traci recommended as the lesser of the evils that night).  I trusted her insight and asked for the OB to take charge of my care.  Traci checked my dilation- 7, congratulated me on being so calm and checked in with the OB.  By 6:25 I was complete.  Pushing at 6:30. In that moment, the OB appeared mumbling about needing to leave to get his son to a dance. After a quick introduction, he proceeded to administer a local (with no forewarning or consent) in preparation for an episiotomy.  Through her tears, my mother said, “He is holding a tool.  I think he is about to cut you.”  I realized that Traci had been trying to tell me as much through her eyes during that last contraction.  In hindsight, her lips were probably tied because of the politics of the position she was in at that moment.  I had only been at the hospital 20 minutes and pushed once when he was ready to destroy my perineum so that his son could dance?!?  Oh no!  I told him to put the scissors down and reminded him that he did not have permission to cut me.  He grumbled something like “Have it your way.  You’re going to tear all the way through”. I was PISSED that I had made it this far- a first time mom in her teens holding my own in my natural birth *like a champ* and he robbed me of feeling these last moments.  Being treated with that level of disrespect kicked my determination into high gear.  He proceeded to insert his hands into my vagina during my contractions (the only really painful part of this experience) while I pushed and delivered my baby at 6:40 pm.  30 minutes after arriving. 20  minutes after reaching complete dilation.  My first daughter was born.

Scorecard

Erica and her perineum- 1

Divine Nurse Traci - *Hero’s award*

OB- 0

Baby Jordan- thriving in spite of the drama surrounding her <<<<-------Won’t be the last time!!!

Ok.  She came out looking more like this.

Jacob's Birth Story

Hello!  My name is Sophia and I am a Doula with Sacred Birth Collective and this it my birth story.


I have been blessed with three beautiful kids and with each one I was able to experience child birth in a different way.  I can't say they were all perfect births but they were all worth it because in the end I came home with a brand new bundle of joy.

My oldest son was a big surprise.  I was 18 when we found out I was pregnant and we were not planning to have a baby quite yet.  We quickly decided that this was great and set off like most new parents to-be do.  I read some pregnancy books and asked the women in my family lots of questions, I wanted to breastfeed and learned as much as I could about it.  I bought a baby keepsake book and since I wasn't working, watched lots of soap operas ( thank you very much to our ginormous antique satellite that only picked up three channels!)

We took lots of walks during the weeks before my delivery date and just days before my due date we drove to a state park to walk the trails hoping it would put me into labor.
On February 7, 2005 I began feeling strong contractions around 10:00 p.m.  We waited at home, sitting on the couch with a watch in hand, and timed them until it the contractions got closer and more regular.  At this point we felt like it was time to go to the hospital so we hopped in the car and drove like maniacs, flashers and all.  What better excuse to use flashers right?

When we arrived at the hospital I was checked and admitted, my nurse came in and strapped a fetal monitor around my belly.  An IV was started and she gave me a good dose of pitocin with a shot of painkillers for good measure.  I labored in the bed for a long time feeling miserable, I was able to get up and use the bathroom but I had to unstrap the monitor and drag the IV bag behind me.  It was too cumbersome and limited my movement so I climbed back in bed.  My pain was becoming unbearable and I didn't know how to manage it.  When they offered the epidural I quickly said "Yes please! Right now!"
The anesthesiologist had two other moms ahead of me and I waited about an hour before he came in.

I clung to the nurse and cried as the procedure was done, she held me and offered comfort.  When I asked her name she said " Everyone calls me Mamma Sharon".  This sweet nurse just became the most important person there other than my husband.  She sat with us for as long as she could but had to leave and check on another mother.  She told me to rest and that is exactly what I wanted to do.

My labor stopped progressing after the epidural and the monitors started going off, in a matter of seconds  Mamma Sharon and another nurse rushed in and administered oxygen through a face mask.  They rolled me from side to side explaining that my oxygen level dropped and the babies heart rare had slowed.  Fear and confusion set in, I was not in control of my body and I couldn't help my baby.  My husband looked panicked and no one was telling us if this was normal.

The nurses were able to get our levels regulated and when my doctor checked me for dilation he said it was time to push.  The epidural made it so that I had very little sensation from the waist down, I had to rely on Mamma Sharon and my doctors cues to know when to push.  I barred down with all my might , feeling pressure as his head descended.  My pushing was strong an it wasn't too long before I pushed my sweet baby out.

Looking down at my tiny, beautiful son Jacob I felt full of joy, wonder, and peace.  He was perfect and we were both okay.

Due to the drugs in my system he was very lethargic and it took a while to wake him up long enough to eat.  I was not able to feel my legs for several more hours, which let me tell you, makes it pretty hard to walk to the bathroom.  During my entire labor we had to rely on and trust people we had never met before to tell us what we should do.


I was lucky enough to to have a wonderful and compassionate nurse during part of my labor but she eventually had to switch with another nurse and I never saw her again.

I have since tried to find her but was never able, I am so grateful for her and am sending my heartfelt thanks for the care and comfort she gave to us.  Thank you Mamma Sharon <3